Systematic Chaos

Besides my dear baby Chea Wen in mind, second thought came..... For time being, Its Pc...

2011-05-26T12:27:00.001-07:00

Its been really quite a long while then I never log in posting stuff on my own blog. Just don't have the urge... Anyways, Its been almost a year since I last posted my success being together with my girlfriend Lee Chea Wen X). Oh ya! Not to miss out the tattoo, remembered I first did the "HOPE" tattoo on my right ribs? I expanded all covered my right body. So, yea.. my half body covered now.. haha. Chirst in life thats one word says It all. Anyways, lets skip the tattoo part as for the mean time, thats not what more I'm aiming to add on more for the moment.

So, the main target now for me, is to build my first own ultimate pc. Currently It has been months, maybe 2 months nonstop reading articles bout pc hardware. Just to keep myself up to the most date of course! I just can't live without reading even a single blog or article bout Pc stuffs! Why is this so important to me?

Let me tell you why then LOLz. Cause It'll cost my chockingly RM7k saving overall. Firstly, I need to sell off my laptop to my girlfriend with priced RM2k(Ori Priced RM3k++). i5 build laptop with 4GB ram, 1GB HD 5470M Radeon GPU with 14" Screen. Had my first 23" Monitor around last year Christmas. Brought It for RM780 including HDMI cable.

My wishlist:

Processor	Intel Core i7 (i7-2600K) 3.40GHz
Motherboard	Asus Intel MAXIMUS IV EXTREME/ Gigabyte Z68X UD7
Display Card	ATI RADEON HD6990 4GB or Crossfire 6970 2GB.
Ram	Mushkin Blackline 1600/2000 (2x4GB) 8GB or Corsair XM3 1600 (2x4GB) 8GB
Hard Disc	WD 3.5 1TB (32MB) SATA3 Desktop Internal Hard Drive or WD Cavaliar Black 1TB
CD Rom	Asus or Samsung
ATX Casing	CoolerMaster HAF X Full Tower/ Silverstone RV02-E or RV03
Power Supply	Cossair HX1000 or Silverstone Gold 1200watt.
PC Cooler Fan	Noctua NH - D14

Yeap, might have further update anyways, this is the rigs I'm currently looking into. Cost around easily RM7k. Next plan after purchasing all this, I will have Eyefinity setup, so I'll most probably buy back the same LED Monitor which is 2 more Samsung BX2350. Tri setup will be awesome for gaming! Moreover, It will be overkill for the mean time, even for Graphic Softwares and Video Editing as well.

This is all the updates for now. Miss my dad and mum and brothers and sister back at Sabah! Miss my baby Cwen! haha..

Deathbed 3.46am, 27th May,2011.

Relient K

2010-09-13T06:03:00.001-07:00

Title: My Girl's Ex Boyfriend

Album: Mmhmm

When he was seeing her
You could see he had his doubts
And now he's missing her
Because he knows he's missing out
Now it's haunting him
The memories like a ghost
He's so terrified
Cause no one else even comes close

He's a guy that you should feel sorry for
He had the world but he thought that he wanted more
I owe it all to the mistake he made back then
I owe it all to my girl's ex-boyfriend

So then, along comes me,
This undeserving mess (undeserving mess)
Who would believe my life
Would be so blessed (life would be so blessed)
Two years ago
He left all that debris (left all that debris)
Who would of known
He would leave everything I need

He's a guy that you should feel sorry for
He had the world but he thought that he wanted more
I owe it all to the mistake he made back then
I owe it all to my girl's ex-boyfriend

If it wasn't for him
I would still be searching
If it wasn't for him
I wouldn't know my best friend
If it wasn't for him
He would be able to see
If it wasn't for him
He would be as happy as me

When she and I settle down you can bet
That he is going to have to settle for less
He's someone that I would hate to be
I got the girl and he's left with just the memory.

He's a guy that you should feel sorry for
He had the world but he thought that he wanted more
I owe it all to the mistake he made back then
I owe it all to my girl's ex-boyfriend

If it wasn't for him
I would still be searching
If it wasn't for him
I wouldn't know my best friend
If it wasn't for him
He would be able to see
If it wasn't for him
He would be as happy as me... XD XD

Deathbed 13th September 2010,9.07pm

Breathing In New Mentality~

2010-08-06T19:27:00.001-07:00

5th August 2010

(First Sight…..)

I could be right or wrong in a short distance…

Statements of me telling the world how much things change…

In a glance without getting noticed…

Never knew this might be another sorrow…

Spending the whole night examining my own mind…

Assuring the strong will that never existed…

Moments of feelings run deep my bone cheek…

Just of knowing your there alone…

It’s time to let go…

Maybe yes… maybe no…

Why do I even want to bother at first…

Or I’ll just walk away knowing nothing happened before…

The nervous and hatred feelings just got swept away…

I knew it was peaceful to be around your presence…

The other side just showed the part of agony….

Wish then I could be your guardian angel…

But for not letting go won’t prove anything sincere…

So I’ll stay put in a corner with the chains on my hand…

Cause we knew we’re not meant to hurt each other…

Just a little faith in hope…

Staring and glaring…

Nothing but an empty jar stuck in hade…

The prevailing winds still tells a different story…

There goes the time flies…

If there is care… I would give myself a change again…

If there is laughter… I will plant in your heart…

If there is pain… I will heal that wound of yours…

If there is love… I will give myself another chance to let it all out…

You remain strong… don’t give up…

Let lose and holding to a grip that shows mercy…

If we never make it there…

In the end it’s just another chapter to be profound…

Deathbed 12.11pm, 3^rd August,2010.

Hope

2010-03-24T00:14:00.000-07:00

Well.. this is it.. First Tattoo done on 22/03/2010. Took me quite a while actually for me wanting a tattoo quite badly then. But thinking that my parents would surely murder me for this now. No turning back then.. Theres a reason for all of this now.. Just not having confidence in any tattoo artist yet before this.. My tattoo concept is based on fine arts shading style. Realistic's the word. So, I finally found a tattoo artist that suits my taste of art! By the name of Bobby James from Sabah.. Owns a tattoo shop here.. know him through Jerry Johnny. It was a long story then. "Hope".. why hope? Its nothing more to say then.. the world knows what is happening around myself. I was always loosing hope and this time was just too much to take in anymore.. its always this word that keeps me going all this while.. The past and the present. Whats running on my mind during the tattoo process was just her image and I can't figure out why but I just didn't realize the pain when the process of tattoo is on going. It took me 4 hours to endure all this pain anyways..

So Its a cross tattoo with a word hope.. So I'll always remember the day that all make sense of myself of all the happening. I'm really satisfy and happy to have this tattoo done. It was the most awful pain I ever experience then piercing through my skin especially the ribs part. My next plan of tattoo to get is Jesus's face with torn crown on my right chest. After that, next is a touch up on the cross part surrounding by doves and roses. After all is done, I'll get my left side chest and ribs finish with Angel's with instruments like trumpets flying around shinning. I have all this imaginations in mind now. I know Bobby could make this up for me.. I trust his art skills. 10 years experience? SICK! Back of my body.. maybe too but far from time then. It would be a long planning as I save up lots of money.

So.. this hope tattoo will stay on me for the rest of my life.. No regrets for this. Im loving It so much. Taking care of It like its my wife now hahaha! Theres just no limits in art.. Ima art lover.. So I want It on my body now.. For as long as I live.. I'll live seeing myself as an art form with arts of wisdom and faith. The main thing is having god in my life that I always not lose hope in him.

Its not easy to let go of something that you treasure for so long then.. but If she's not for you to hold anymore then whats the purpose anymore.. I guess I have to be strong for this time. (Finally Getting In My Head huh....) Yea.. surely.. everything would be fine for now.. I won't hurt myself anymore.. Its just about the pain for art that I'll be enduring then. But the main thing is.. nothing can compare to the pain of losing someone you love so deeply. So still.. this tattoo pain is nothing for me after all..

Deathbed 24th March 2010, 3.36pm

The Sadist..

2009-11-30T09:27:00.000-08:00

The fall.. the pain.. the trust has lost Its sight..
Now trying hard to fix up the broken threads..
I doubt somehow will you still feel the hurt..
Fall on my knee, look back pathetically on my mistakes..

The story suppose to prolong our happiness..
It has been abused by my venom..
All I can write now is nothing but your feeling of hurts..
As It reminds the day I walk out in silence..

All you wanted was just a hug..
But I've went across the deadly lines..
Now I want to love you more than anything as use to..
But never I could take back what I've done to you..

I've broken the promise without a trace..
Taken everything from you for granted..
As forgiveness has come to Its dying limits..
My regrets.. Will lead me along my life..

Now then I realized.. Did I love you as I should?
I think.. Am I caring enough?
Too much of a doubtful person..
Too many words to say..

Where's my principle of life..
I started to remind myself..
What is now for us?
This is my story..

It could be our last chapter..
Or It could be a sadist beginning for you..
I feel I've created dull instead of colors..
If hope is leaving each other I'll try to grab it back..

For good...

Deathbed 1st December 2009, 2.04 am

Relient K

2009-03-27T07:36:00.001-07:00

Title: Over Thinking(Acoustic)
Album: Apathetic EP

I was thinking, over thinking
Cause there's just many scenarios
To analyze, look in my eyes
Cause your my dream please come true

I was thinking, over thinking
About exactly how i'm not exactly him
I'll break my heart in two
More times than you could ever do
Cause your my dream please come true

Cause i think way too much
On a one track mind
And your so out of touch
Cause i'm so far behind

I can't deny this any more
The facts ignored all done before
And if there's one in this world
You let me know you're not that girl

I was sinking, lower sinking
Cause i lost the things i held on to
They let me think a thought
A thought that i would know was not
Of seeing my dream come true

I was thinking, over thinking
About how far i had let this go
One more guy/girl cliche
I know now you're just in the way
Of me and my dream come true

Cause i think way too much
On a one track mind
And your so out of touch
Cause i'm so far behind

I'm trying to make sense
Out of all of this
While your fading scent
Just slips through my grip

Don't touch the positive with a negative end
Don't touch the positive with a negative end
Cause after all of the sparks you're left alone in the dark
Cause after all of the sparks you're left alone in the dark

And while i'm able i think i'll label
Experience with you as a mistake
And while im at it, i'll say ive had it
Experience with you as a mistake

Cause i think way too much
On a one track mind
And your so out of touch
Cause i'm so far behind

I'm trying to make sense
Out of all of this
While your fading scent
Just slips through my grip

I was thinking, over thinking
Cause there's just too many scenarios
To think about, to figure out
If you're my dream please come true

Title: The Thief
Album: Apathetic EP

I guess it's safe to say you're never coming back
And I understand why you wouldn't want to
I guess it's up to me to find a way to get to you

And I can't see you
Getting used to
Living in the midst of your perfection
And I'm so lost
How can you trust
Somewhere the sun is always shining

And there's just one last thing that I have to say
As we reflect on the mess of all this that I've made
It was cowardice that made me push you away
I was so afraid cause you were so much better than me..

Deathbed 27th March 2009,10.29pm.

Underoath

2009-03-11T09:55:00.000-07:00

Title: I'm Content With Losing
Album: They're Only Chasing Safety(2004)

Like I said
Leave your baggage at the back door
I'm leaving you the way I think it should be
We're always pulling into spaces that we can't back out of
Starting fights we can't talk our way out of them

How does it feel to be on the recieving end of this one?

I'm half way there and it's all on me
This is what I get for wanting more, for wanting more
This is the way its got to be
Dancing on all these changes
So I walk around with this rope in my hand

So I'll tie it around and around, and around
I'll tie me down

I'll fantasize of being manic
And leaving us behind
In your eyes you were the one that tried

Acceptance is what holds us here
And you my dear are the one I fear tonight
We'll try just one more time

This is the moment that we all live for
Are you ready? Are you ready?

I'm half way there and it's all on me
This is what I get for wanting more, for wanting more
This is the way its got to be
Dancing on all these changes
So I walk around with this rope in my hand

So I'll tie it around and around and around
I'll tie me down

You can't see past my waving hands
(just running away again)
You cant see past my waving hands
(Good Bye)

You think so loud it hurts my ears...
I want to know how to get through this
Without choking up
I can't feel you
You're so far from me...

Deathbed 12th March 2009 2.43am

Deep Within...

2008-10-13T00:34:00.000-07:00

I use my own flesh to generate the impact of these undeserving pain from my past.. No matter how far my destination lies, I am capable of waiting.. Have Thou feel the same? Or i'm just another clown waiting yet not knowing.. For my confidence wondering thou has feelings towards my heart, but too bad action always speaks louder than words.. I'm not god and thou knew it well, my heart for you always remains.. Every time I feel faint I will remind this misery thoughts.. Thou at least had a percent of liking this beast.. Our friendship seems falling apart.. Hoping that thou will search me instead.. I started to hate love again.. Hoping thou regain this love in me.. For the love for god is equal to the love for thou.. In the end, thou will not have any chances for me? For thou had reminded me too many times before....